Time After Time
by Malone
Summary: Ryan has just gotten out of the hospital after being in a horrific accident. Now he has to face the facts about some very important things in his life.
1. Chapter 1

_It's funny how one little event can completely change your whole life. One day you're on top of the world and you think nothing can happen to you now,that you're invincible. Then, the next day you're completely thrown around and there's nothing that can help you. You find out that all of your friends pity you and you can't get within one hundred yards of them without somebody shooting you a sympathetic look._

Ryan then slammed down his worn down pencil and threw it across the room,making it hit the wall with a faint bang. Then he tore the piece of paper that he was writing on into little pieces, soon the words he had just written were demolished into an unreadable scrawl. "Oh no I don't have anger issues, none at all. Ryan said mocking the psychologist that he had just been to see a few hours before." He was angry at his dad for bringing him there, right now all he wanted to do was hide from the world.

Finally he looked at the only picture on his desk, it was only taken a few weeks before but already the glass on the frame has many cracks in it. It was probably the last picture that was taken of him running. In the picture he looked so carefree and happy, now he looked insecure,scared and yet so angry at himself. When he looked in the mirror today he noticed a few things, one his face was alot paler,two he had huge circles under his eyes from not sleeping well, and three his face looked alot thinner. After he saw this he immediately started crying once more,almost everyday he cried now.

He looked at the picture for a few moments and then he slammed the picture down.Next he hastily pulled open a drawer and tossed it in. "There,now all I have to do is block all of those memories out of my head. God, I wish that Brian was here right now he;s the only person who understands me. But even he says that it's not my fault, well they'll all understand eventually it's my fault!" Ryan said yelling out the last few words.

Then he slowly collected himself and then he picked up the phone that was in his room and hastily dialed Brian's number. It only took one ring for him to answer the phone, there was silence in the background. "Hello," He said quickly with his accent standing out slightly.

Brian had been born in Canada with Canadian parents, though he had lived is the United States for most of his life. He had did almost everything that Ryan did when he was in High School, except Brian had been going to one of the major high schools in Montana. While Ryan was going to one of the medium sized schools in Maine.Though right now Brian was going to the small community College that was in town.Brian hoped that someday he could be the main breeding manager at the farm where they both boarded at,Running Winds Farm. Brian had only moved to Maine around a year ago so nobody knew alot about him.

"It's Ryan I can't take it any longer. I keep seeing who I used to be, I have to keep telling myself that it's over and done with and that the doctors said that I can't even jog anymore." Ryan said as he felt tears well up in his eyes.

" So, you're out of the hospital finally eh? Or at least I assume that you are since it's quiet on your end of the line. I do have to tell you something very important though, you're very lucky to not only be alive but they think that you'll still be able to ride. My best friend, was in a extreme pileup on an interstate, he-lost feeling from his chest down. I'm sorry I can't talk to you longer but I've really got to study for a huge test that's tomorrow. You're lucky your parents are gone because I know that you probably threw something across the room. So just hang in the buddy ok?" Brian said and then the phone went dead and a buzz could be heard.

Ryan turned the phone off and stared blankly at the wall._How did he know mom and dad were gone? He just left me more confused then I was before I talked to him ,I'm not going to tell them that I called Brian though. They'll just think that I'm telling him more then I'm telling them. That's true but they don''t have to know that._ Ryan thought and then he put his face into his hands and wept. He just couldn't grasp anything that was coming out of everyones mouths.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan stared at the dimly lit lamp as it's faint glow made the room look like it was glowing softly on the stark white walls of the room. Today he had hardly left his room, he hated how if he had to go somewhere that he had to go in a wheelchair. Yet at the same time he felt trapped within the confines of his home. It had only been about a week and a half since he had been able to come and go when he pleased. Everything had changed the instant he felt himself get hung up on that stirrup.

"Why did this have to happen to me? I never did anything wrong!" Ryan yelled and then heard his voice echo throughout the empty house. He was glad that his parents and little brother had decided to go grocery shopping, at least he would get a little time alone.

_And they're probably going to come right back. God I wish they would quit worrying about me it's not like I could run away on them._ Ryan thought as he felt his eyes start to slowly close, he had been awake since four o'clock. Even during the night he had woken up screaming and trembling. He had been so loud that his father had ran into the room sending Ryan into yet another breakdown. During all of this his father had stayed right beside him until he was asleep again.

Once again he was transported into the same nightmare that had been happening ever since he had woken up in the hospital. The wind was going through the trees just enough to make the leaves rustle and the air had a fresh clean scent. Ryan was riding Terminator, a big blood bay Thoroughbred as the pair happily trotted along. The stallion's gait had been smooth and fluid as Ryan had moved with the horse he had felt the movement of the horse's muscles beneath him. At that time he had thought that the person who he was trying him out for Mr. Flores to see if he would buy the stallion. Mr. Flores was the owner of Three Ponies Farm and as Ryan glanced back for a moment he could tell that Mr. Flores was in fact, impressed with the horse as much as Ryan was.

"Let's see what you can do at a canter." Ryan said as he instantly cued the horse, expecting to feel the horse change gears.

Suddenly he had felt the horse tense up and then launch itself up onto it's hind legs and paw up at the sky. Ryan held on and then the horse came down onto all fours again but then it started with a series of crow hops. Still he had managed to hang on that is, until the horse unleashed bucks worthy of a rodeo bronco. After several times of trying to circle the horse to stop him Ryan began to lose his strength and after each jump he had to fight to regain his balance. Then after what seemed like ages of fighting and desperately trying not to fall Ryan's strength suddenly gave out. He felt the sensation of flying through the air for a fraction of a second and then he felt his right ankle get caught in the stirrup as he hit the ground with a thud.

After he hit the ground he felt a burning sensation in his ankle and he knew that it was broken. Before he had any chance to try and free his ankle Terminator took off in a flat out gallop,leaving Ryan to be dragged along the grass in the field they were in. The clouds seemed to fly above him as he was still trying to free himself. Finally Terminator slid to a halt as the stirrup leather broke from the saddle. Ryan suddenly felt sick and dizzy as he could hear Mr. Flores yelling something but all he heard was a jumble of words he felt numb and the sky above him seemed to be fading.

Suddenly he heard hoof beats coming toward him and he felt the immense impact as the horse ran over him. The last thing that he saw was the horse's stomach and then he blacked out. Then Ryan awoke to somebody shaking him, he could feel a cold sweat trickling down his face as his vision cleared. Immediately tears welled up in his eyes as he realized that the person that was shaking him was his father who was squatting beside his wheelchair.. "I know, I had another nightmare each time it just gets worse. No matter what I do I just can't help it. I keep thinking that it's happening again." Ryan said while pausing a few times as he sobbed.

He felt his father put his arm around his trembling shoulders. "It's alright nothing in that dream happened again you're alright."His father said calmly as Ryan continued his sobbing.

"Nobody knows how hard it is, nothing is going to be the same. I wish that I didn't have to keep having the only dream that reminds me that I'm a failure and that it's all my fault!"Ryan said angrily as he felt his tension rising.

"Ryan, there isn't a person in the world who thinks that this is your fault. Just because the doctors told you that they're sure that it is not going to be possible for you to run again doesn't mean nothing is going to be the same. I know you've been up since four so why don't you try and get some sleep?" His father said softly as Ryan felt his eyes start to close. Soon he was once again sleeping.

Unknown to Ryan his father tenderly picked him up and carried him over to his bed and tucked him in. "I love you Ryan and there's nothing that is going to change that. We're going to get through this together. No matter what you need I'll be there for you." His father whispered and then turned off the light and walked out of the room and quietly closed the door.


End file.
